The Older Parent

Enjoy the rewards, but expect some challenges when you get a late start

Active fatherhood at age 50 helps keep Jim Ezrow young. Rollerblading and soccer are just some of the activities he enjoys with Zachary, Marissa and Brianna.

Pediatrician Pasquale Fugazzotto, M.D.—shown above with patients (l-r) Daniel and Joseph of Emmaus—confirms that parenting can be rewarding at any age, if you’re prepared. He himself is the father of 11.

Jim Ezrow waited until he was 38 to become a father. He and his wife, Michele, both social workers, had reached a comfortable point in their careers and bought a farmhouse in Macungie. “We thought about where we wanted to be professionally and what we wanted to have before we had children,” Ezrow says. “I was better prepared mentally, and more mature and responsible than I would have been in my 20s.” Today, Ezrow has a 12-year-old son and 8-year-old twin daughters at an age (50) when many of his colleagues are grandparents. But he says age is a plus when you’re balancing the demands of parenthood with the rest of your life. “For example, I’m already established in my career,” he says. “I have the flexibility to work my children’s soccer games into my schedule.”

Of course, being a parent is a physical as well as mental challenge. “When you start a family in your late 30s or 40s, keeping up with a child can be exhausting,” Ezrow says. “I certainly don’t have the energy I had 20 years ago. But it’s also fun and helps keep me young. I know I have to stay active and take care of my own health so I can enjoy these years.”

Preparation and realistic expectations are key for parents who start later in life, says pediatrician Pasquale Fugazzotto, M.D., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. Besides caring for little ones for more than 40 years as a physician, he’s raised 11 children of his own.

“Some older first-time parents are very set in their ways and don’t realize what a significant change it is to have a baby,” Fugazzotto says. “It’s not just changing diapers, it’s changing your entire lifestyle. Your house will no longer be as neat and orderly as it once was, and you can no longer go out when you want. That’s a shock to some people.”

As a result, older parents tend to be less tolerant of behavior typical of young children. They also can be overprotective, he says. “Younger parents don’t have the life experience you have in your 40s, so there’s a ten-dency for older parents to worry more about things younger parents take in stride.” Fugazzotto offers these tips for parents getting a late start:

Have a support system. Many younger parents rely on their own parents for child care and financial support. When you start a family in your 40s, you may not have this option. In fact, your parents may be relying on you.

Prepare yourself financially. Older parents typically are more secure financially. But your child’s college years may overlap with—and delay—your planned retirement.

Consider your needs. You will get tired sooner than when you were young, so find ways to give yourself regular breaks, including occasional time alone.

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